Santa Ana, CA – Psychologists all over Orange County have reported a dramatic spike in the number of cases of “Confused Sexuality Disorder.”
During an emergency meeting of the P.O.C. (Psychologists of Orange County), it has been determined that the cause is Los Angeles Angels star CF Mike Trout.
“I noticed that the one thing that all my patients had in common, is that they are Angels fans,” said Dr. Mike Miller PhD
“And looking even deeper into the issue, we noticed that they all had this obsession with Mike Trout.” he added.
Confused Sexuality Disorder is a disorder where a person questions their own sexuality. In this case, Doctors say that Trout’s spectacular play this season for the Angels, has caused many men to, in the words of Dr. Miller, “Go gay for him.” Dr. Miller says that many of his patients have talked about leaving their wives to follow Trout and the Angels on the road.
“This is an epidemic of historical proportions,” added Dr. Miller “We could start to see a flood of newly divorced, single woman due to Mike Trout.”
We asked an anonymous Angels fan to comment on this issue, and this is what he had to say:
“When I’m laying in bed at night, all i can think about is Mike (Trout), the way he catches the ball, the way he runs, I look over at my wife and she just can’t compare.” said the man (Who only wanted to be identified as “MrFixIt”)
President Barack Obama was asked about this issue from the campaign trail and he responded:
“I have received reports about a mass change in sexuality in Southern California due to a baseball player, I spoke with the affected wives, and I have pledged them my full support, and the support of the United States Government in this matter.”
If you start to feel like you are questioning your sexuality due to Mike Trout, a hotline has been setup, and you are asked to call 1-800-MAN-LOVE.